Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Only Steps Away

I love talking about relationships!
In my travels I've enjoyed being able to share with teens and adults some of the Biblical principles that God gives us to ensure we can have the greatest dating and married relationships possible.

From his book, Love For a Lifetime, Dr. James Dobson inserts the findings from doctors Joy and Morris about the steps to relational bonding and how sexual abstinence is so important to marriage and how it relates to the process of bonding.

I'll give you what they call, The Twelve Steps of Bonding, in it's short form. When I talked about these steps to my youth ministry; I had a couple of senior girls who went to college and would say, "Step Eight!!" as their accountability mantra during their dating years.

I'd ask you to consider if these steps are something you enjoy reading and sharing with your group to consider having me come and do a "Guard Your Heart" retreat for your youth ministry. The info and time spent on such an important subject that teens want to hear is well worth it's weight in gold.
Contact me at Enjoy!

12 Steps of Bonding
1. Eye to Body: A glance reveals much about a person.
2. Eye to Eye: When the man and woman who are strangers to each other exchange glances, this is the first step to determine if the relationship moves forward.
3. Voice to Voice: During this long stage the two people learn much about the other. If they're compatible, they become friends.
4. Hand to Hand: The first instance of physical contact between the couple is usually a non-romantic occasion. However, if continued, the hand-to-hand contact will eventually become an evidence of the couple's romantic attachment to each other.
5. Hand to Shoulder: The hand-to-shoulder contact reveals a relationship that is more than close friendship, but probably not real love.

(Again let me interject that I am just giving you the highlights to these steps and not the full description)

6. Hand to Waist: Because this is something that two people of the same sex would not ordinarily do, it is romantic.
7. Face to Face: This level of contact involves gazing into one another's eyes, hugging and kissing.
8. Hand to Head: This is an extension of the previous stage; kissing while stroking each other's head. Rarely do individuals in our culture touch the head of another person unless they are either romantically involved. It is a designation of emotional closeness.

9-12 The Final Steps: The last four levels on involvement are distinctly sexual and intensely private; and because this is on a blog and not something I'm sharing in the confines of a group discussion, I'll leave the last four steps off, you can contact me if you'd like to know. I will however point out that it's step 12 that is the final act of intercourse; with that said I point out to those listening, in our culture we skip the steps and are usually all over the place when in comes to meaningful bonding. No wonder so many marriages in in divorce after only 3 to 7 years.
God has the perfect design for your relationship, one that is to be entered into slowly.

As my college girls would say, "Step Eight! You're going too fast!"

Visit or contact me at