Appetite for More

Ever want more?  Sure, we all do, that's the nature of appetites.  No matter how much you have if you have an appetite for food, success, power, love, money........you want more.

In my travels, one of the most common things I hear people say is they want more meaningful relationships.

More relationships?  No, more "meaningful" relationships!

In a day where pretty much everyone is at your finger tips by way of cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, txt messages, email  and dozens of other social networks there is still a longing for more, but not just more, more meaningful relationships.

So how do we get there?  There's a lot of things we can do, but for a moment let me share a thought from Philippians 3:10-11  "that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, ¹¹ if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

While Paul is encouraging the Church of Philippi to "press towards the goal" of living for Christ.  I see also in this scripture one of the keys to developing more meaningful relationships.  Many times our friendships hang out at the "knowledge of His resurrection."  We fellowship with other believers and build connections based on the fact we're Christians.  That's a good things, it's a starting point.  But to stay there is not only shallow, but encourages our appetite for more.

"Fellowship of His sufferings,"  this is real rubber meets the road when it comes to going deeper.  Who have you suffered with?  Who are the friends that you have cried together, have gone through the pain of life with?  Who knows your struggles, temptations and shortcomings?

"Being conformed to His death."  Death stinks!  Let's face it, not to many dead people walking around these days.  Dead to agendas, dead to selfishness gain. Dead to excuses.   You know what I mean.  I'm guilty.  I've often used social media to promote me.  Getting to a place where everyone in the relationship is giving of themselves till it hurts is a hard place to get.   It's living a life where your house, your phone bill, your food, your clothes, your children, your job, your gas is not yours anymore.  It's His and theirs.

But the truth be told, when you get there you find out it doesn't hurt at all because you cant hurt a dead person.

Going deeper is a process, hopefully you got some ideas for your next step in having more meaningful relationships.

Small Groups --Part 3

7)  Don't confuse natural by-product as the purpose.
Oil is one of those natural resources that would be almost impossible to live without.  Not only does it lubricate our gears and provide gas but it also makes a total slew of other things.  Plastic bottles, diapers, fishing line, nylon, cosmetics, pills, candles, the list goes on and on.
Here's my point.  You never hear an oil worker say, "Time to go drill for some golf balls" or any other "by-product" made from oil.  The purpose for drilling is oil, so that's what they drill for.

I believe the same can be applied for small groups.  When I ask, "what is the purpose of the small group" I get the same answers; fellowship, accountability, care, community, friendships, bible study, etc.
Let me interject and say, there is nothing wrong with any of those answers; here me, what I am saying is that those things should be a natural by-product of Christians meeting together.  Right?
Sure you should promote those things and live out those things, but they shouldn't be the purpose.  (at least in my opinion. My vote for small group purpose is Kingdom; which means making disciples and multiplying)


It's kind of like when a company or church makes a list of "core values" and hang them on the wall.  You've seen them; "We are a company that values, Integrity, Honesty, Character, Teamwork, etc"

The problem is not the values, it's just their kind of......well....they're......just there.
Typically those values are gathered by looking around at the group and saying, "yes that's who we are."
I love how Patrick Lencioni put it in his book, "The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family."  He states, "The key about core values is not to have too many of them.  Organizations tend to compile a list of things they think sound nice....because they want to cover all their bases.  Many times those things are simply a permission to play value, not the core"

He's right!  What company or church wants a dishonest employee or church member?  How about lacks character?  Doesn't play well with others?  See, those are givens or like he says, "permission to play.'

Here are 6 questions that will help as you develop and launch or even relaunch your small group ministry.

1.) What is the ultimate reason you have small groups?  (core purpose)
2.) What are the essential characteristics that your small group must never violate?  (core values)
3.) What are the fruits you want to see displayed in the small group?  (by-products)
4.) When your group meets, what is it's biggest priority and what needs to be done to achieve it?  (goals)
5.) What steps are in place to help you achieve your core purpose as a group?  (strategy)
6.) Who has to do what to achieve your goals?  (roles and responsibilities)


I hope you enjoyed these last three posts on Small Groups.  Be blessed and be fruitful and multiply!

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Small Group --Part 2

4) Define who you want in small groups.
I know, I know, your first response is like mine and many others when they hear that statement; "everyone we say!"
While, sure, we want everyone to be in a small group; we have to come to grips with the reality that not everyone will be in a small group.  It's just a fact.  100% attendance is an impossible goal.
I think deep down we all know that but we continue to say "everyone" because if we don't then we sound like we are excluding some people.  Which is not true. We have to define the small group and allow others to decide for themselves if will they join.
I believe Larry Osborne has the best explanation when it comes to defining small groups.  In his book "Sticky Church"  he gives the below diagram.

While I do believe there are some variables, I agree this is a good picture of how we can understand the defining groups in our churches.  As this shows, the amount of "leaders" in our churches are not the same number of those "interested" in Christ.  It's a simple diagram to show the more intense the commitment the fewer people involved. This simply gives us a wake up call to reality; if we decide to target people who are committed to "growing" in their Faith, then we need to structure our groups as a "moderate bible study" and in doing so we should be able to reach about 60% to 70% of our church attenders.  Again, it's not to say it could be more (or less) but it helps us to know when we roll out small groups and we have a number less than "everyone" then we can know a "better" why.


5) Make room for different types of small groups.
As mentioned above, these two factors will flow together.   Again, it's not to say one is right or wrong, it's a sober reminder of what to expect.
Now there are many different types of small groups, everything from the free market/ interest based to age based, location based, gender, G-12, Cell,... and the list goes on and on.  The key is to (here's point #2 again) clarify the "win" for your church.  Now I believe when it comes to churches that are older and more established that a "hybrid" of styles will exist and can exist successfully if everyone rallies to the same win, whatever that is for your church.
For example most younger age groups will function differently than groups made of of older individuals.  To put a blanket definition of how a group should act, function and outreach is a little short sided.  Teenage groups will look different than senior groups and so on.  As they should.  Different needs for different stages of the journey.
This is why (for me personally)  I don't get hung up if the group just meets for fellowship or for intense Bible study; the style should not be focus as much as the goal.  If "interest based" groups are creating transformation in peoples live and that group is growing, great!  If "gender based or age based" groups are creating transformation in people and is growing, again great!  My point is not to get hung up on style as much as knowing how to recognize when the end result is being accomplished.


6)  Know when to have a funeral for a small group.
When you know what a win is, then it's easy to recognize when your not winning as much.
There are seasons for everything.  Many times I've seen churches implement a small group strategy only to revamp it or re-launch the program in a couple of years.  Why?  I'm sure there are lots of reasons, but the one I've noticed from watching and even leading is due to the reason found in number 2 on the previous post.
The bible says it best, "where there is no clear revelation, people go in circles and die."
We start well, everyone hears the vision, people get excited, attendance is up, then life happens.
So we go back to the drawing board, or adjust the group to fit "everybody" or even attend a new Small Group conference to see the latest "how to" methods.

Nothing wrong with those steps IF that's what's needed.  But too often our small groups suffer from the "drifting eye syndrome."
This is what's happened with YMCA.  They just put out a statement explaining they are now going to go by the name, "The Y"  because that is what everyone calls them anyway.  (wow, I just went on their website to double check my facts and their logo is a "Y' with ymca in the corner)
When they started their mission was young man transformation through the Gospel of Jesus Christ, thus the name Young Man Christian Association. Over the years they've drifted from their vision to becoming no more than a community gym.  I find it interesting that there new name, "The Y" is fitting; it begs for the answer of their existence....."why?"

When our small group fails to know the meaning to why, it's time to prop a daisy next to it.

Small Groups--Part 1

I love talking, attending, creating, teaching, starting small groups.  Below are some thoughts that I've picked up from those doing successful small group ministry and thoughts I've developed over the years in leading various small groups in multiple locations.
I pray these will be some helpful ideas as you gear up, start up or vamp up your small group ministry.

1.)  Decide what type of small group church you are.
There are basically three types of churches with small groups:  A church "with" small groups, a church "of" small groups and the church "is" small groups.
Let me interject that none of these are a "right" or "wrong" way to do small groups, however knowing what type of small group church you are will decide the amount of involvement you are able to sustain. 


2.) Clarify what is a "win" for your small group.
Many times you will hear this in the vision statement of the small group or even the mission statement of the church. If not there then you'll probably hear it whenever the pastor is promoting small groups in the church.  My point is if you don't spend time every Sunday morning and in every small group gathering reminding or "clarifying" what a win is for at least five years for your small group ministry, then frustration will follow.
I'll give you the most common that I know of with two different churches experiencing right now.
One churches small group leader, who is also an Elder in the church, is leading a small group of 25-30  (which is not a small group) and is having trouble getting anyone to break away to create two groups from that one.  Everyone loves their group, everyone enjoys the fellowship and atmosphere.  Hey, that's good! Nothing wrong, other than the fact the group has a bottle neck and is not producing anymore small groups.
Another church is dealing with the same issue, in fact they are desperately trying to train new leaders in hopes of being able to take a few out of each group to relieve groups that more than 20 in them.
So what's the problem?
Many times no one knows what a win is or they have the wrong win in mind.
For example, when I ask "what are the goals for your small group?"  I'll get answers like, "to disciple, fellowship, accountability, assimilate into the church, prayer, bible study, etc."  Those are all great answers but many times we only think about the goals and we never set a win.  Can I be so honest to say, that the above list of things in a small group, at least healthy ones, are doing those already!  You typically don't have to remind people to fellowship at a home fellowship.  Or really pray during prayer time.  My point is, where do we go?  What's the end result?  If having large small groups is the goal, then the above examples are not really issues.  If it's developing more small groups, then there seems to be a "connect the dot to the win" problem.

I know what you're thinking, "but our people don't want to divide" or "why ask them to break up the very much needed fellowship we've asked them to join?"
Those are understandable examples but not the standard.  From day one of starting a small group ministry in your church if you promoted, "Our goal as a small group is to make more small groups" then it defines what a win is.  When a group multiplies into two, then people have a reason to celebrate.  It's not a "have to" issue it's a want to step.  But if it's not clarified in the small group it will create confusion and even frustration with the attenders because when you start breaking groups up, they will react.

3) Determine group size before it becomes a size issue.
If you clarify the win then knowing a group size becomes easy to determine.
Let me say this regarding the above; notice I never said, "when it comes time to divide a small group..."  Lingo is very important, it's why I speak "multiply."  It fits with a grow more groups vision.  Personally I've found that once a small group reaches around 3-4 couples it's time to start thinking and training another leader.  It's key that when more members start joining the group that they connect with the leaders in training and not the current small group leaders.  When group and when the group reaches 8-9 couples, time to launch that new group and celebrate the win.
It's a rule, the bigger the group the fewer people talk.  I was in a small group where there were about 8 people in the group and almost everyone spoke up and contributed in the discussion topic.  I was in another small group where there was 25 or more and only about 5 people engaged.
That group of 25 can easily become two groups of 12 and no one would be upset due to being "torn away from relationships" because not everyone knows everyone on that deep of a level.  Now for both of those groups to grow and then become 4 groups of 8, will take some work.  But can be done with a clear focus of what type of church they are and what a win is.

More later.
Blessings!!!

My Convictions about Youth Ministry --Part 1

As a "former" youth pastor who now travels full time. I'm often introduced as the guy "with a list of past achievements."
Growing a youth group from 30 to 300.
Transforming a youth group.
Leading through change in a youth group.
Developing small groups.
Bla bla bla.....

Honestly, I'd like to be known for what I'm "about" to do, rather than what I "have" done because the future is where it's at. Life, ministry, churches, youth groups change so fast. I want to be one of those guys who's pushing the envelope to reach and minister where teens are at now as well as where they are going.

With that in mind, I'd like to submit to you some of my core convictions and values about youth ministry. These are not a 10 step "how to process" or even the top "methods" to grow your group. I'd be a fool to suggest such a thing, because like I said before, "ministry is always changing" and methods for that matter.
You may read these next few post and hear nothing more than an old guy who has done more things wrong than right, and you'd be correct.
But hopefully some of these core values I have concerning youth ministry will be an equipping tool for your ministry too. Enjoy


Value #1: God is in control, we are not. Sounds like a "no responsibility" free card, but it's not. In fact, it puts so much more responsibility on the leader. One of the mistakes that I've made before (that many youth pastors make) is we either don't plan far enough in advance OR we plan too much and THEN ask God to bless it. It's far more important to seek Him first and jump on what He is already blessing than to invite Him along for the ride. With this value it's important to add that tucked away in the spaces of this truth is another key principle that Jesus teaching regarding "being faithful with little, will be made ruler over much." I wholehearted believe that when we are faithful (responsible) for those he has given us, then He will add an increase.
Be honest, you and me and the rest of the world was put out with "OctoMom" because she wasn't taking care of the children she already had and now she adds eight more to the mix. How much more is our Heavenly Father wanting us to take care of who we have before He adds more to us?
We should be strategic and plan, but never at the expense of getting a clear word of direction from the One who is in control.

Value #2: Doing the right thing is more important than doing things right.
Thank goodness that we've had a wave of "excellence" pass in the church. I mean really, we are starting to see some quality and well done ministry in our churches. Of course there is the random "cheesy church marque" that still pokes it's head up, but overall I see churches doing things right. As they should.
However it's not the most important thing. Somehow we've lost the urgency to do the right thing.
Youth pastors quit over a disagreement with the pastor.
Programs become more important than people.
Upholding policies take precedence over situational needs.
Gray areas become easily justified when personally wronged.
One of the many things I've learned since being out of "full time" youth ministry is this; "teens don't remember what you say as much as they remember what you did." If you haven't put guard rails and people in your life to question your motives and ask you the tough questions about why you do what you do, (and I mean lots of different people, not just a few "yes" friends) then the sad truth is your character is already slipping and you're not even aware of it.

Value #3: It takes adults to make your youth ministry survive, it takes ministers to make it thrive.
Any youth ministry that does not have an abundance of adult workers will not go the distance. I don't think there is a magic ratio of how many to have, but I'd say, "the more the better!" You may think teens hate being around adults (or even vice-versa) but the truth is, having loving, committed adults in your youth ministry is what will cause it to continue to grow for the long haul.
It takes ministers to thrive simply means, "don't fall into the buddy system." It's easy for youth pastors and adult workers to want to be everyone's "buddy" but when it comes time to speak into a teen's life, they need to hear it from someone they respect and value; who they know has their spiritual welfare as their concern. It's not to say we are Bible scholars or have been to seminary or have the proper paperwork, it simply means we need to act and hold ourselves in a manner that in honorable to the Gospel. We are all called as ministers of the gospel first, leaders next, and then friend. Many young guys in ministry operate with a "Norm" mindset and want everybody to know their name; while this might work for a while, in the long run it will devastate your impact.



Hope you enjoyed these three convictions of mine concerning youth ministry, I'll post the next three tomorrow.

Yours for His Kingdom,
Vince

Covenant Communities

Creating community in a church is a much greater challenge than running programs, and most of the problems we face in the church are the result of broken relationships and lack of community.

As we see a new type of church leader emerging; authentic community will become one of the primary standards by which church health will be measured, rather than church size or the number of quality of specific ministry programs.
So the question quickly comes up, "what is authentic community?"
Someone best described it as "real people, in real relationships being real, all the time."
I simply call it, entering into covenant.

Rick Warren has said there are four levels of relationships that people engage into.
The first and most shallowest is Studying together, then
Sharing together, then
Serving together and finally
Suffering together.

This type of community is difficult, messy and sometimes impossible. But it starts with a willingness to engage in time frames that don't fall into the normal "meeting time."

Those that are living at a deeper level of community constantly find themselves with each other in homes, coffee shops or anywhere on almost a daily basis; it's deeper than a "Tweet" or "Facebook" wall post.

Are you engaging into authentic relationships and creating covenant communities?

Am I?

Small Groups

The Right Fit

I've recently been doing some personal research behind the mentalities of Small Groups.

This is partly due to the fact that it has been the small group that Lora and I lead that has sustained us throughout this difficult time in our lives.
I've always been a small group guy. I grew up with them in my home church in Arkansas.
I started them at the church where we first youth pastored.
I ran ahead of them at the church where we most recently youth pastored.
It was our small group at Harvest Time that took care of us when our daughter tried to come three months early. It's been our small group here in Alabama that has held us up and given us strength.

I've come to understand and accept that there is no one way to do small groups and with that I'd like to share the three structures in which small groups can operate . This is not an issue of "right or wrong" way to do small groups. It's an issue to "pick the structure that's right for your church."

Church with Small Groups
Church of Small Groups
Church is Small Groups

Church with Small Groups
The two churches where I served as youth pastor had the "church with small groups" structure. Small groups were in every part of the church. Special interest small groups. Youth group had small groups, ladies' and men's ministries were small groups. Doesn't sound too different from most of our understanding of small groups other than the one major factor that separates this group from the rest. Small groups are just another ministry the church has to offer. In other words, choir was a small group, too. So was every Sunday school class, even the elders. Children's ministry workers, and so on. Church life happens and small groups happen with it.

Church of Small Groups
The church I grew up mostly used this format. The major difference between this structure and the previous one is that a church of small groups is just that: they are a community of small groups that make up the bigger church. In other words, there is more of a specific process in place to get people to a final destination. Taking care of each other, building accountability, fostering spiritual growth happens in a small group. The focus is for everyone be in this type of atmosphere of community and then together make up the total church experience. The larger church is simply a community of small groups together.

Church is Small Groups
This past weekend I spoke at a church that is a "Cell Church." "Church" happens in the small groups because the small groups are the church. Everything happens in the small groups: pastoring, accountability, caring, follow-up, evangelism, serving, communion, etc. The purpose is to get everyone in a small group to build and create more small groups with that focus. A once-a-week combined worship service is held to bring everyone together to ensure all are on the same page for what's about to be launched in the upcoming week in small groups. That once-a-week service exists for the small groups as opposed to the first two structures where the small groups exists for the service.

Again, there is no wrong way to do those small groups in your church. The point is to choose what structure you as a church leader like and want and make it yours for your church. For me, I like one structure over the other two, so it goes to say I know what I like and don't like.
And knowing that now will help me to go far in the next step in life. Beforehand I didn't know why I was frustrated or confused. It was much like putting a square peg in a round hole.

Nothing wrong with the hole.
Nothing wrong with the peg.
Just not the right fit.