Thursday, April 2, 2009

Legos, Connections and Friendships

I've recently heard someone talk about how everyone is like a Lego.
We all have a limited number of connectors.
Connectors like on a Lego.
Introverts have a few.
Extroverts have up to dozens.

Either way, once they're full, they're full.

This makes sense to me, because I've often struggled to fully understand the lack of friendship from people who didn't really measure up to what I expected out of a friend; and more importantly I've struggled to BE that type of friend that I feel I SHOULD be.

See, I'm an extrovert, and I have so many relationships that I don't have many "connectors" left. In fact, I find myself having to take some friends off in order to make room (time) for others. I mean, let's be you talk to all 400 of your friends on Facebook at least once a week? I don't. In fact, I feel like I liar for even having that many "friends" that I don't even talk to once a year!!!! This is probably why "T-Mobile" and other cell companies give you a "Fave-5" plan......they know most of us only have room for about five real, meaningful, connecting relationships. Some a little more, some a little less.

I no longer feel guilty for "not being THAT friend" nor do I any longer think ill of those who aren't that type of friend to me.
Because "acts of friendship" is one thing, and "acts of connection" is another.

When we moved into our house, the first week was great. We received pies, cookies, smiles, handshakes all welcoming us into the neighborhood. So many "acts of friendships", but ask me if I'm connected with any of them......the answer is no.

This is why many people complain about church being "cliquish." The reality of it is, it's not a church full of cliques as much as it is a church full of people whose connectors are already full.
This has been most helpful for me to understand why I've lost so many relationships over the last year during our time of ministry transition. I used to think it's because that person wasn't a "real friend" but the truth is, people have to make room if their connectors are full due to schedules, locations, timing, influences, and new relationships; some must come off to make room for the new or the relationships that want to be meaningful.

Sure, it doesn't make it any easier to know you've been taken off the relationship connector with someone, but know it's part of the process. It doesn't mean those people are bad or shallow or don't live up to your simply means their connectors are full and someone has to be dropped to make room for someone they want to have a deeper relationship with.

Because like Legos, some are used to build huge buildings, some are used to build cars....and some just get lost.

(The Legos example came from the book: Sticky Church)


  1. This is so good!! It definitely helps me understand some people and even myself better. Thank you for sharing this!

  2. you hit on a great point. bc we have a limited # of connectors we have to make a conscious choice about which ones bring the most value to our lives. i have talked with many adults that feel they have no meaningful relationships, but they are always busy. its not that they don't have time, they just don't value it enough, or they would make the time. good post

  3. Excellent post! I was directed here by your wife and I'm so glad I came to read this. Very insightful.


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