Marriage, Points and Manna

I just finished up with a two-day marriage retreat in Summertown, TN.
We had a fantastic time taking a biblical look at marriage and learning some key principles to make our marriages go the distance.

In one session alone I just spent time outlining "The Four Laws of Marriage." They come from Genesis 2: 23-24, which says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

In these two verses God gives us His ways for marriage.
Allow me to share one of the four with you.

"And shall cleave unto his wife." This is the law of pursuit.

Marriage takes work. A healthy marriage is one that is worked on continuously.
The reason why this "law" of marriage tends to fall through the cracks is because by nature we become lazy once we've acquired what we were pursuing.

I call it the "Woo, Woo, Whoa" syndrome. In the early stages of chasing after her; us guys do a lot of "wooing"---we dress nice, buy gifts, open doors (you get the picture) Then once we have her, we "whoa."
Or maybe it's not so much that we "whoa" as much as we don't understand the "point" system.

Yes, there is a point system all of us married guys keep up with; and they are valid points. Washing the dishes. One point.
Vacuuming. One point.
Buying flowers on a "non-special" day. One point.
Voluntary help with the kids. One point. And many more.
The problem is all points evaporate at midnight. They can't be stored up and cashed in when you want. Because love has to be pursued daily and without hidden motivation.

It's the "manna principle." Each day the Israelites were given food from Heaven, but they could only collect enough food for that day. After that day, all the leftover food spoiled and was no good.

In order to be a success in anything; you have to work at it. Sports, career, health, school; if you want it to be better then you have to work at it, but for some reason when it comes to marriage many tend to think they can stop working at it.
Don't be like so many that quit pursuing their spouse once the ring is on the finger; because like day old manna, it will sour and spoil.

The Base Level

I was asked to post this after preaching it to a church. I usually preach this every February.

Honestly, I was kinda worried that I might not get to share it this year; however it has turn out that I've had the opportunity to share this message to three different churches in three different settings.
Youth.
Adults.
Pastors.

So, it's still the month of love and here are some thoughts to encourage the ladies what to look for in a guy before dating him or getting married---for us guys, what to become before saying I do to any of those two offers.

Keep in mind ladies that there is a difference between a guy who is not quite here but is trying to get there and a guy who has no desire to be this type of man.

Guys, I hope that you would see these character traits and ask God to give you the grace to want to be a better man tomorrow than today. I don't think any of us are there yet, but the point is to want to get there.

I'll write this in the context to the ladies, but guys take note.


Ephesians 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her...


1. Leads in Love
Does he know what love is? Do you? This scripture says that the man is to love his wife just like Christ loved the church. What is Love? Simply, an act of the will that is accompanied by emotion that leads to action on behalf of it's object.
Christ said, "Father not my will but your will be done." He sweat drops of blood in His prayer. He died for our sins. For our benefit.
Love is to make a choice to live for someone else's benefit.
Men, are you leading in love?
Ladies, are you dating a guy who understands this?

Ephesians 5:26 ...that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word,...

2. Leads in the Word
I see with women this digression process in dating. Ask any young Christian girl who she wants to marry and she'll say something to the effect, "I want a man of God who's a spiritual giant like a Billy Graham with the body of Vince Farrell." (ok, maybe not word for word) ask her when she's in her early twenties and it's "I want a good Godly man." If she's still single in her early thirties it's, "someone who knows where a church is at."
The question here is, "can he disciple you in the Word of God?" That's why if you're dating a guy who is not a believer, you are so off course on what the base level is!!! Listen ladies, when you date a guy who can not lead you in the ways of God; you are setting your family up for destruction! You are saying to this guy, "hey, I know you could care less about doing life the way God commands and I'd like you to raise my children one day the same way."
Ladies, if he's not that into Jesus...don't be that into him.
Guys, we want to be men who seek God and His ways for our life.

Ephesians 5:27 ...t He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish....

3. Leads in Purity
Deep down in the heart of every guy, on their wedding day, they want to see those doors open and their bride walking down in a white dress. Because that white dress means, "mine." Not Tom's, Bill's, Ed's, Paul's.....mine! No one else's. A guy who leads in purity is a man who is concerned about one day being able to present her to himself. See ladies if you understood that his is how a majority of men (at least the ones worth dating) think, then you'd understand what's really being said when he asks to give yourself to him sexually. What a guy is really saying when he asks you to "take the relationship to the next level" is, "hey I've got some urges and desires right now that I need you to fulfill, thus becoming the type of lady I really have no interest in marring."
Ladies, is he radically concerned about keeping you pure?
Men, if you pick her up for a date and she's looking all fine and your hormones start to kick in....ask her if you can bring her younger brother on the date with you two, or her dad......you go extreme to keep her pure.

Ephesians 5:28-29...So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church....

4. Leads in Selflessness

Do I have to explain this one? I'll be honest, many times us guys do things during the dating process to get the girl. Things we don't do for others that we all of the sudden do for her. Open the car door, bring flowers, buy gifts, give back massages, etc. This is the "wooing" of dating. It's the truth. If you don't believe me ask a guy when was the last time he did any of those things for his buddies? We woo, and woo, and woo and when we have you, we woe!

Ladies, understand the difference in a guy who is "wooing" you or who has your needs at the top of his list.

Guys, the rubber meets the road for us when we get married. As I mentioned, we tend to stop once the ring is on the finger. I challenge you to turn off the TV, cell phone, or PlayStation. Ask her how you can be less selfish. Start opening car doors again. If anyone in you house has to do without, who would it be?

Hope you enjoyed these thoughts from God's Word. I pray that you would look at these four characteristics and really make them the base level in what to look for in a guy.

As a guy, my prayer is "to do better today than I did yesterday and better tomorrow than today.