Marriage, Points and Manna

I just finished up with a two-day marriage retreat in Summertown, TN.
We had a fantastic time taking a biblical look at marriage and learning some key principles to make our marriages go the distance.

In one session alone I just spent time outlining "The Four Laws of Marriage." They come from Genesis 2: 23-24, which says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

In these two verses God gives us His ways for marriage.
Allow me to share one of the four with you.

"And shall cleave unto his wife." This is the law of pursuit.

Marriage takes work. A healthy marriage is one that is worked on continuously.
The reason why this "law" of marriage tends to fall through the cracks is because by nature we become lazy once we've acquired what we were pursuing.

I call it the "Woo, Woo, Whoa" syndrome. In the early stages of chasing after her; us guys do a lot of "wooing"---we dress nice, buy gifts, open doors (you get the picture) Then once we have her, we "whoa."
Or maybe it's not so much that we "whoa" as much as we don't understand the "point" system.

Yes, there is a point system all of us married guys keep up with; and they are valid points. Washing the dishes. One point.
Vacuuming. One point.
Buying flowers on a "non-special" day. One point.
Voluntary help with the kids. One point. And many more.
The problem is all points evaporate at midnight. They can't be stored up and cashed in when you want. Because love has to be pursued daily and without hidden motivation.

It's the "manna principle." Each day the Israelites were given food from Heaven, but they could only collect enough food for that day. After that day, all the leftover food spoiled and was no good.

In order to be a success in anything; you have to work at it. Sports, career, health, school; if you want it to be better then you have to work at it, but for some reason when it comes to marriage many tend to think they can stop working at it.
Don't be like so many that quit pursuing their spouse once the ring is on the finger; because like day old manna, it will sour and spoil.

Outside the Apple Box Thinkers

Today my family and I enjoyed a wonderful time at the "Apple Festival" in Lincoln, AR. It was about an hour away from where we live; and with clear skies and the weather resting at 68, it was perfect.

There's a question I had pop into my head over and over again as we passed the many display tables. Here it is.
"As a Pastor of a church, what would I do here to stand out from the rest of the booths, to be a blessing to people?"

I say this because I saw two, maybe three church booths that were there. They were selling things. One even had a little basketball hoop set up for kids to play.

So if you would, send my your thoughts on what would be a blessing to people in this type of setting while helping to set a positive image for the church and it's members.
I'm asking for "out of the box" suggestions because I do not consider selling items as a way of accomplishing the goal. (My opinion, not saying it's right or wrong; just not my way of thinking)

*Please note, I am not a Pastor of a church-----not yet ;)

Spiritual Leadership

"Spiritual leadership is moving people on to God's agenda."

There are some distinctive elements that bring clarity between the difference of a leader and a spiritual leader. While spiritual leadership involves many of the same principles as general leadership, spiritual leadership has certain distinctive qualities that must understood and practiced if spiritual leaders are to be successful.

Traits of a Spiritual Leader

1. Influence: The spiritual leader's task is to move people from where they are to where God wants them to be.

2. Discernment: Spiritual leaders depend on the Holy Spirit.

3. Accountable: Spiritual leaders are accountable to God and operate with acute sense of accountability; and place people around them to exercise transparency.

4. Kingdom Builders: Spiritual leaders work from God's agenda. It's so easy to slip into pursuing our own agenda rather than seeking God's will.


God does not ask leaders to dream big dreams for him or to solve the problems that confront them. He asks leaders to walk with Him so intimately that, when he reveals what is on his agenda, they will immediately adjust their lives to his will and the results will bring glory to God.









These thoughts were taken from the book, "Spiritual Leadership" by Henry & Richard Blackaby

Props to Brad

So here I am looking at my blog thinking of what to type when my friend, Brad Post, just posted his blog thoughts.

Several weeks ago I wrote about the difference between "membership and partnership"; Brad's post particularly caught my attention because it reflects some great thoughts concerning the heart of honor.

I met Brad online through blogging and got to meet him and his family in person a couple of months ago when they were traveling from Atlanta to Oklahoma. They were kind enough to make a pit stop in Alma, AR so we could connect.
Check him out on Facebook, his blog, or follow him on Twitter.
Below is his post. I hope you enjoy his blog as much as I do.

Welcome VS Honor
I shared this with our Welcome Team this morning from Turning Point Church at our VIP meeting which was inspired from a conversation I had earlier this week with Larry Brey from Elevation Church from a blog he posted. It covers the difference between welcoming someone and honoring them. This would relate to anyone in church, in business and at the house.

There is a huge difference when we welcome someone into our house, church or business and honor them. Welcoming is great and people feel a sense of security but honoring someone is totally different.

The difference in our Welcome Team:

• For our Greeters: is not just handing them a bulletin and saying welcome but if it is their first time and they have children walk them to the children’s check in, talk with them during the process.

• For our Parking Team: it is a difference from just waving at them and actually opening the door with them.

• For our Ushers and Sanctuary Greeters: it is a difference in saying showing them where the coffee is and making it for them or showing them an open seat and actually taking them to it.

Try this phrase when you see a client, friend or co-worker this week, “It is an honor to see you today.” There is such a greater impact than saying anything else. I used this a few times this Sunday and had a few people look at me like “wow” or they were just looking at me like I was crazy..one of the two.

Is it Voice mail or Voice jail?

It's been well said, "make sure your voice mail doesn't become a jail."

We live in a time where communication is easier than it's ever been. Cell phones, internet, blogs, Skype, video conferencing, text, email, social networks, the list goes on and on.
With so many ways to get in contact with people, it also means so many ways not to hear from people as well.

Phone calls still reign supreme as the best way to communicate; not only because so many methods can be linked to the cell phone, but because it's more personal hearing the persons voice. There's a level of intimacy that goes with connection on the phone.

Make sure your voice mail doesn't become a jail to those trying to get a hold of you.
As leaders we must be sharp on this issue. It doesn't mean we call back the very second we miss a call; but it does mean we don't let responding to peoples messages go days without returning them.
We're all busy. No one argues that.
But you'd be surprised what reputation you can gain by being quick to respond; or lose by keeping someone waiting in "voice jail."

Membership VS. Partnership

I was at Starbucks with my wife and while we sat and sipped away; I picked up a "Starbucks Gold" card application form. Starbucks has a "membership" program. Pay them a yearly fee and get certain perks. It's nothing new, tons of stores offer this type of program to already paying customers.

Some business, in fact however, won't even let you be a customer without a membership.
Blockbuster video,
Sam's Club,
Anytime Fitness gym are a few I've had in my life

Membership seems to be defined as, "pay a fee and receive benefits from our services."

I dare to say this mentality has spilled over into most churches; after all, every church has a membership.
Membership is referred to when answering the famous "how many" question.
It usually goes something like this: So, how many do you have in the church?" "Well we have about 600 members."
But the actual attendance is around 250.
Membership invites a mental understanding that because "I pay, I should get."

I say all this not to poke fun or degrade churches.
I say all this to encourage a change in our view of church attendees.

I'm not interested in doing things because that's how we always did them. So I throw out this simple thought.
Instead of offering "Church Membership" how about "Church Partnership"

Partnership says, "no matter the cost, I'm committed to the vision of this organization."
Partnership goes way beyond dropping your dues into a plate or clocking in your time at the front door.
Partnership is an understanding that it's not about me and it's not about you; it's about them. Those who don't know Christ.

Now if you're reading this and say, "hey, Vince! What you said about partnership is the exact same thing we have as our membership at church."

Great! I say. But remember that's not what our culture and people in our church understand for the most part.
Think about creating a "Church Partnership" mentality in your ministry and watch what happens.

Thoughts from the Week

I just got back from the Indiana area where I spent a great week in ministry.
Friday I spent some one on one time with leaders from XENOX Industries and taught some sessions on youth leadership. Saturday night I spoke to the entire youth ministry and had an awesome time in the presence of God.
Sunday morning was an experience in it's self. It was one of those moments in time when God gives a direct word and confirms it in different ways.
I particular enjoyed my time with Pastor Gibson. There was an instant connection I felt in my spirit with him and the members of Charity Tabernacle.
I could feel months worth of "crud" flake off and a new brokenness as I ministered Sunday morning.

This trip was more than just getting to minister, but it was a week getting to connect with Pastors and pick their brain concerning pastoring.

As I sift through the feelings, information and desires in my heart; I know one thing is a must---
get input from others!

At this point in my life, I don't know if I'm to start a new work, or take over an existing work....but I do know this; it will be pastoring. So, I continue my journey.

Here are some thoughts that I picked up from a couple of pastors, as well as my own thoughts, while traveling last week. Thank you pastors David Gibson and Dehner Maurer for your time.


"I don't ever believe it's God's will to start a church by proselyting other church members."--Vince

"Whatever you do; there will always be a price to pay." --Pastor David Gibson

"The best staff is the one you enjoy doing life together with."--Pastor Dehner Maurer

"Commitment and vision is key, and commitment to the vision is a must"--Vince

"When I think of churches doing plays, I often think, who left it up to the church to handle the entertainment department?!?"--Pastor David Gibson

"You can talk about being a multi-culture church, but if you are----it will show up first in your congregation, be evident in your leadership teams, and in plain sight on your staff." --Dehner Maurer