Top 3 Signs You May Be Missing the Christmas Spirit

#3: You begin a Facebook status post with the phrase, "Come on People..." or "Hey People..." when wanting to make a point.  It has the same ring as when the Prodigal's brother said to his dad, "this son of yours."  It makes the relationships of life seem so distant and finger pointing.

#2: You get all bent out of shape when someone writes "X-Mas" instead of Christmas.  While I too am an advocate for keeping Christ in Christmas, the fact remains that the original term X-Mas was created with just as much spiritual significance than the original phrase Merry Christmas.  In fact, do a study on the letter X in Greek to find out how silly you've been making war out of a non-war issue.  By the way if it was an issue worth getting upset about, then shouldn't we be all excited and "victorious" when we drive down the road and see a yellow sign with the words "PED X-ING?"  Don't we interpret that as "Pedestrian Crossing?"  Hey! The word "cross" in a secular sign!!!

#1:  You can't stand to hear someone say "Happy Holidays" instead of "Merry Christmas."  There are a lot of ways to say, "hello", "I love you" and "no thank you."  Same goes for wishing someone joy during this season. I've never heard someone use the term Happy Holidays to blatantly slam someones faith in Christ or to shun that person. (not that it doesn't happen) It's just we live in a society where 83% don't go to a church and/or don't have a Christian background.  So to most, saying Happy Holiday is as natural as saying Happy Birthday. I'm reminded of the words, "they will know we are Christians by our love."  There are Biblical convictions and personal values.  Don't die on the mountain of personal values and lose the opportunity to one day talk about Biblical convictions to someone.




P.S  There is another, it's called "You write me several paragraphs on explaining why you do any of the above mentioned and why I'm wrong."  Which in term just proves my point.

Appetite for More

Ever want more?  Sure, we all do, that's the nature of appetites.  No matter how much you have if you have an appetite for food, success, power, love, money........you want more.

In my travels, one of the most common things I hear people say is they want more meaningful relationships.

More relationships?  No, more "meaningful" relationships!

In a day where pretty much everyone is at your finger tips by way of cell phones, Facebook, Twitter, txt messages, email  and dozens of other social networks there is still a longing for more, but not just more, more meaningful relationships.

So how do we get there?  There's a lot of things we can do, but for a moment let me share a thought from Philippians 3:10-11  "that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death, ¹¹ if, by any means, I may attain to the resurrection from the dead."

While Paul is encouraging the Church of Philippi to "press towards the goal" of living for Christ.  I see also in this scripture one of the keys to developing more meaningful relationships.  Many times our friendships hang out at the "knowledge of His resurrection."  We fellowship with other believers and build connections based on the fact we're Christians.  That's a good things, it's a starting point.  But to stay there is not only shallow, but encourages our appetite for more.

"Fellowship of His sufferings,"  this is real rubber meets the road when it comes to going deeper.  Who have you suffered with?  Who are the friends that you have cried together, have gone through the pain of life with?  Who knows your struggles, temptations and shortcomings?

"Being conformed to His death."  Death stinks!  Let's face it, not to many dead people walking around these days.  Dead to agendas, dead to selfishness gain. Dead to excuses.   You know what I mean.  I'm guilty.  I've often used social media to promote me.  Getting to a place where everyone in the relationship is giving of themselves till it hurts is a hard place to get.   It's living a life where your house, your phone bill, your food, your clothes, your children, your job, your gas is not yours anymore.  It's His and theirs.

But the truth be told, when you get there you find out it doesn't hurt at all because you cant hurt a dead person.

Going deeper is a process, hopefully you got some ideas for your next step in having more meaningful relationships.

Layers of One

1 Corinthians 12:12 "For as the body is one and has many members, but all the members of that one body, being many, are one body, so also is Christ."

Hopefully we are all aware of the beautiful illustration we become as we, being different, come together as a body of believers to make up the Body of Christ; it's truly a wonderful thing to witness.

While pondering and thinking on the subject of commitment to the Body I'd like to share a thought in regards to how to make those connections stronger, more meaningful.  The goal is to go deep in our connections to each other and cause a tighter bond to the rest of the body.

I'll relate it to the natural
Our body's biggest organ is the skin, and it's comprised of three layers:  The Epidermis, which is the top layer that is comprised of dead cells and it's brushed off. The Dermis, you can't see because it's hidden under your epidermis. The dermis contains nerve endings, blood vessels, oil glands, and sweat glands. It also contains collagen and elastin, which are tough and stretchy.  Then The Subcutaneous Layer is made mostly of fat and helps your body stay warm and absorb shocks, like if you bang into something or fall down. The subcutaneous layer also helps hold your skin to all the tissues underneath it.  This layer is also where the start of growth happen.

With that said, there are three layers of connection to the body we need to move people through.
 The shallowest, but still important like our epidermis, is called acceptance.
Acceptance is fleeting and arbitrary and often external or a felt craving.  The need to feel accepted is very important and it's the easiest to address because it's often the easiest "seen" need to meet.
Next is the dermis, if you will, called belonging.
Belonging is grounded in something more permanent.  This is where we move people from just simply feeling like they are a part of something into the knowledge that they are intrinsically connected to a place, or people, beyond themselves.
If people don't know why the should belong to something, or how they bring unity to that something to some degree, there is little reason for them to stick around.* (*quote from the book: The Slow Fade)
The third level is, committed, much like the Subcutaneous Layer .  When people feel accepted and know they belong they will make the commitment.  Sounds simple and no doubt many would say they are committed, but the truth is many just linger around accepted.
Committed people look for ways to volunteer, instead of being asked to volunteer.
Committed people don't leave over offense, instead they look to bring healing over offense.
Committed people don't have to be asked to give, they have to be asked to stop giving.
Committed people are committed to change and help make it happen, rather than notice a change has taken place.
Committed people honor the past experiences but are ultimately focused on changing the status quo and influencing tomorrow.

Committed people live as one.

The Enemies of Unity

As I was going through old notes on some subjects concerning leadership.  I ran across a message that Dave Ramsey gave back in 07' on the subject of unity at Catalyst conference.
The five points are his, the sub points are from collective sources I've gathered over the years that I believe go hand it hand to his 5 points regarding the subject. I found them incredibility meaningful to any group or organization who is wanting unity in their group.  Hope you enjoy some good sound wisdom from, Dave, a man who knows his stuff.

The Enemies of Unity


1. Poor Communication
 When speaking to a group, team or staff it's important to repeat often.  No one gets in one time what you've spent months dreaming, planning, making strategies and articulating to present vision for them.  We have all heard the phrase, "we need clear lines of communication."  But what does that mean to your group?
2 People or programs = 2 Lines of Communication
3 People or programs = 6 Lines of Communication
4 People or programs = 12 Lines of Communication
5 People or programs = 20 Lines of Communication
6 People or programs = 30 Lines of Communication
 As the group grows, so do the need to find multiple ways to communicate well.

2.  Gossip
Gossip is simply when a negative is discussed with anyone who can't help solve the problem.

3. Unresolved Disagreements
Unresolved disagreements happen when a leader doesn't know they exist or when that leader avoids confrontation.  The truth is a little confrontation cleanses the wounds of confusion and allows the individuals to move forward in a spirit of unity.  It's also important not to confuse "challenging the process" to be misread as "challenging authority."  These two are completely different.  And a team who is under the authority should have a welcome mat at the door of challenge the process.

4. Lack of Shared Purpose
It's been best said, "anything with two heads is a freak of nature and either needs to be killed or put under glass in a circus."  Because that's what your organization will resemble when players on the team don't share the same purpose, it'll die or look like a circus.

5. Sanctioned Incompetence
"Team members will eventually become demotivated when someone else on the team can't or won't do their job and a leader will not take action."--Dave Ramsey
I believe this is one of the biggest obstacles when dealing with building unity; especially in the faith culture, we want to give grace (as we should) but most the time we're not giving grace, we are simply being enablers.
Grace looks at someone who can't and gives the tools, teaching, mentoring so that person can.
Grace looks at someone who won't and honors them on their way out, either of the group or that area on the team.

When unity is valued in the group culture, the team will also act to keep these enemies at the gate.

Fresh Eyes

Being in ministry, I think I can be like most, that is; to develop a system for doing things and give little attention to changing.  After all, change is hard.

But what if we, as leaders, were able to walk in our churches or departments with a fresh set of eyes to give  information from a totally different perspective?  What if we were purposefully strategic in wanting feedback about what we are so comfortable in doing?

I used to manage a restaurant and while we lived by the policy, "the customer is always right" and did our best to make it so, there was another tool that really helped us gain an honest perspective.
The Mystery Shopper!!!! 
Without notice we'd receive a data sheet that graded us on everything from cleanliness of the store to the hospitality of the employees.  Food temp, order accuracy, restroom spotlessness, staff conduct and more.
We didn't know who it was or when they came, all we knew is they did! And when they did, we knew the results of their visit.  They yearly outcomes of these visits caused our district managers to come to our stores and hand out bonuses or give out pink slip warnings.

No matter how good we thought we were, or happy we felt about our customers experience, it all boiled down to the mystery shoppers report.

As I travel, I many times find myself acting like a mystery shopper.
"Why are those doors open?  Where do children check in?  Where do I find an usher?  Did someone greet me?  How friendly are the people?  Was the parking easy?  Where are the restrooms, can I get there from here?  Does service start on time?  Who is the staff?  etc........I can't help it---I love the local church and want to see Her presenting Christ in every program with excellence and power.

So here is the thought.  Ever think of asking someone off the street to come to your church and "mystery shop?"   Done right, it could not only prove to be a valuable tool to tighten up what God has entrusted you with, but also be an avenue to expose new people to your church.
If you'd like to hear more thoughts on this idea, contact me at www.vincefarrell.com

Blessings!!!

"The master commended the dishonest manager because he had acted shrewdly. For the people of this world are more shrewd in dealing with their own kind than are the people of the light. ⁹I tell you, use worldly wealth to gain friends for yourselves, so that when it is gone, you will be welcomed into eternal dwellings."  Luke 16:8-9

Small Groups --Part 3

7)  Don't confuse natural by-product as the purpose.
Oil is one of those natural resources that would be almost impossible to live without.  Not only does it lubricate our gears and provide gas but it also makes a total slew of other things.  Plastic bottles, diapers, fishing line, nylon, cosmetics, pills, candles, the list goes on and on.
Here's my point.  You never hear an oil worker say, "Time to go drill for some golf balls" or any other "by-product" made from oil.  The purpose for drilling is oil, so that's what they drill for.

I believe the same can be applied for small groups.  When I ask, "what is the purpose of the small group" I get the same answers; fellowship, accountability, care, community, friendships, bible study, etc.
Let me interject and say, there is nothing wrong with any of those answers; here me, what I am saying is that those things should be a natural by-product of Christians meeting together.  Right?
Sure you should promote those things and live out those things, but they shouldn't be the purpose.  (at least in my opinion. My vote for small group purpose is Kingdom; which means making disciples and multiplying)


It's kind of like when a company or church makes a list of "core values" and hang them on the wall.  You've seen them; "We are a company that values, Integrity, Honesty, Character, Teamwork, etc"

The problem is not the values, it's just their kind of......well....they're......just there.
Typically those values are gathered by looking around at the group and saying, "yes that's who we are."
I love how Patrick Lencioni put it in his book, "The 3 Big Questions for a Frantic Family."  He states, "The key about core values is not to have too many of them.  Organizations tend to compile a list of things they think sound nice....because they want to cover all their bases.  Many times those things are simply a permission to play value, not the core"

He's right!  What company or church wants a dishonest employee or church member?  How about lacks character?  Doesn't play well with others?  See, those are givens or like he says, "permission to play.'

Here are 6 questions that will help as you develop and launch or even relaunch your small group ministry.

1.) What is the ultimate reason you have small groups?  (core purpose)
2.) What are the essential characteristics that your small group must never violate?  (core values)
3.) What are the fruits you want to see displayed in the small group?  (by-products)
4.) When your group meets, what is it's biggest priority and what needs to be done to achieve it?  (goals)
5.) What steps are in place to help you achieve your core purpose as a group?  (strategy)
6.) Who has to do what to achieve your goals?  (roles and responsibilities)


I hope you enjoyed these last three posts on Small Groups.  Be blessed and be fruitful and multiply!

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Small Group --Part 2

4) Define who you want in small groups.
I know, I know, your first response is like mine and many others when they hear that statement; "everyone we say!"
While, sure, we want everyone to be in a small group; we have to come to grips with the reality that not everyone will be in a small group.  It's just a fact.  100% attendance is an impossible goal.
I think deep down we all know that but we continue to say "everyone" because if we don't then we sound like we are excluding some people.  Which is not true. We have to define the small group and allow others to decide for themselves if will they join.
I believe Larry Osborne has the best explanation when it comes to defining small groups.  In his book "Sticky Church"  he gives the below diagram.

While I do believe there are some variables, I agree this is a good picture of how we can understand the defining groups in our churches.  As this shows, the amount of "leaders" in our churches are not the same number of those "interested" in Christ.  It's a simple diagram to show the more intense the commitment the fewer people involved. This simply gives us a wake up call to reality; if we decide to target people who are committed to "growing" in their Faith, then we need to structure our groups as a "moderate bible study" and in doing so we should be able to reach about 60% to 70% of our church attenders.  Again, it's not to say it could be more (or less) but it helps us to know when we roll out small groups and we have a number less than "everyone" then we can know a "better" why.


5) Make room for different types of small groups.
As mentioned above, these two factors will flow together.   Again, it's not to say one is right or wrong, it's a sober reminder of what to expect.
Now there are many different types of small groups, everything from the free market/ interest based to age based, location based, gender, G-12, Cell,... and the list goes on and on.  The key is to (here's point #2 again) clarify the "win" for your church.  Now I believe when it comes to churches that are older and more established that a "hybrid" of styles will exist and can exist successfully if everyone rallies to the same win, whatever that is for your church.
For example most younger age groups will function differently than groups made of of older individuals.  To put a blanket definition of how a group should act, function and outreach is a little short sided.  Teenage groups will look different than senior groups and so on.  As they should.  Different needs for different stages of the journey.
This is why (for me personally)  I don't get hung up if the group just meets for fellowship or for intense Bible study; the style should not be focus as much as the goal.  If "interest based" groups are creating transformation in peoples live and that group is growing, great!  If "gender based or age based" groups are creating transformation in people and is growing, again great!  My point is not to get hung up on style as much as knowing how to recognize when the end result is being accomplished.


6)  Know when to have a funeral for a small group.
When you know what a win is, then it's easy to recognize when your not winning as much.
There are seasons for everything.  Many times I've seen churches implement a small group strategy only to revamp it or re-launch the program in a couple of years.  Why?  I'm sure there are lots of reasons, but the one I've noticed from watching and even leading is due to the reason found in number 2 on the previous post.
The bible says it best, "where there is no clear revelation, people go in circles and die."
We start well, everyone hears the vision, people get excited, attendance is up, then life happens.
So we go back to the drawing board, or adjust the group to fit "everybody" or even attend a new Small Group conference to see the latest "how to" methods.

Nothing wrong with those steps IF that's what's needed.  But too often our small groups suffer from the "drifting eye syndrome."
This is what's happened with YMCA.  They just put out a statement explaining they are now going to go by the name, "The Y"  because that is what everyone calls them anyway.  (wow, I just went on their website to double check my facts and their logo is a "Y' with ymca in the corner)
When they started their mission was young man transformation through the Gospel of Jesus Christ, thus the name Young Man Christian Association. Over the years they've drifted from their vision to becoming no more than a community gym.  I find it interesting that there new name, "The Y" is fitting; it begs for the answer of their existence....."why?"

When our small group fails to know the meaning to why, it's time to prop a daisy next to it.